Through obstacles we become stronger
Gratitude //
It feels a little crazy to be writing this because part of me feels like if I just pack up all of our stuff again and head out on the road for the next part of the AMAZING Life Together Road Trip, all of the scary things that are going through my head will go away and I will not have to have surgery tomorrow. Yes, I have to have surgery tomorrow. Yes, another surgery… this one just a little more intense than the one in September.
Two days after the surgery to remove the endometrial cyst on my ovary in September, I ran a high fever and went back to the hospital. They ran a CT scan along with a few other tests to make sure they didn’t make any mistakes that would be causing the fever. The doctor reading the test came out to the waiting room to share the news that I could have never even imagined to hear.
I have to paint this picture a little clearer because it is kind of funny looking back on it. I was a mess. I woke up with a 102 degree fever. My body ached and I had no idea if it was because I just had surgery or there was something else going on. I was wearing the same sweatpants and t-shirt I had on for over 24 hours and I was literally a hot mess! ;) I walked into the testing location and I was surrounded by a room full of old people! I definitely felt out of place (seriously, I am pretty sure Ryan and I were the only 2 people under 80 in the room). As I walked back to the testing room, the attendant said, “I am not even going to ask how you are doing… because you definitely don’t look like you are feeling good.” Awesome. Lol. Anyway, they ran the CT scan and the doctor came out to the waiting room to share the results because he didn’t want to ask me to get up to come to his office. Ohh gosh. Hot mess, for sure.
I remember his words as if it was yesterday. He said, I have two things to share with you. The first thing I am pretty sure has nothing to do with the fever you are experiencing right now, but you have a cyst on your Pancreas and that is definitely something you are going to have to get checked out. And number 2, your insides are a mess and you need to go back to the hospital right now. It took every ounce of strength left in my body not to burst into tears right there. In fact, I only made it out the door before the tears started flowing.
I went back to the hospital and after 2 nights of monitoring and medicine, they felt confident that the fever was likely caused by an abscess (the mess) that was present at the site of where the cyst was removed. Nothing major.
As instructed by the doctor, after healing from the first surgery, I followed up about the cyst on my Pancreas that I had no idea that I had until they ran that test. After a series of additional tests at Johns Hopkins, including another CT scan, MRI, and endoscopy with a biopsy, they determined that I have a mucinous cyst (sorry for the gross description & name) on my Pancreas. The cyst is significant in size and could be described as pre-cancerous. Super scary to say that out loud. It was recommended that they remove the cyst, which also means removing the tail end of my Pancreas and possibly removing my spleen as well (just because of the close proximity to each other.)
As scary as all of this is, I have this HUGE sense of gratitude. I feel like the doctor who requested the first CT Scan has saved my life. Seriously, if she did not take that effort to run that test, who knows when I would have found out about this cyst? It is so scary to think about.
I am definitely scared and nervous and …. more scared and more nervous. My emotions are all over the place. I am so thankful for the crazy adventure we just went on for the last 3 weeks because I didn’t have time to think about the surgery! I didn’t have time to let the scary thoughts pop into my brain. In fact, along the journey we met AMAZING couples who shared with us stories that reminded us that “everything is going to be ok.” When we sat in Jenny and Matt’s living room and they shared their story with us that included Jenny’s battle with cancer just 8 months after they got married… I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. God placed them in our lives to remind us that everything is going to be ok. That meeting was just one of the many reminders that God is so good and He is going to take care of us.
Seriously, what a blessing to hear their perspective:
As I go into surgery tomorrow and the weeks ahead of recovery (they say I will be in the hospital for a few days)… it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to send prayers and positive vibes our way. Dr. Martin Makary will be doing the surgery at Johns Hopkins and it is scheduled for 8:45 a.m. on Thursday (yes, right in the middle of the snow storm). We are so grateful for you and your love and support always!
Thanks to the AMAZING reminder from Jenny and Matt, we are so confident that the obstacles and trials in our lives are meant to produce perseverance and ultimately make us stronger! Here’s to the stronger days ahead of us! ;)
Thanks, Dean Badal, for the visual reminder I am going to keep close to my heart over the next few weeks and for the AMAZING example that it’s going to be ok! ;)
On a business note… we have cleared our calendars for a few weeks in order to focus on recovery and be ready for the wedding season ahead of us! Thanks so much for your patience during this time! Ryan will be doing his best to stay up to date with everything, but he is also my caretaker! ;) So, if we take a little longer to respond to emails… picture Ryan making me Chicken Noodle soup or something and know that we will get back to you as soon as we can! ;)